Tuesday, 31 May 2016

You Are Not Broken, Woman! You Are a Phoenix!

''You've seen my descent, 
Now watch my rising.'' (Rumi)

From time to time there comes a moment when we have to make a choice either to live the same old stories over and over again or just step forward and do the scariest, but the most freeing thing in the world: ERASE everything and RE-WRITE the whole story.

It is the time when you see how small you let yourself be, you hear yourself  whispering instead of roaring out loud and you decide that's enough. It is time to change that! 

Time to let go of all that and be done with this chapter.

Time to understand that no matter all the painful things that happened to you, no matter how broken you felt, you were never a broken woman.It was all in your head.

So, be done with that chapter. Be done with that book! Close it, seal it and start a new-life changing story. Honour your past, but be ready to burn it all in the flames of your rebirth.

Because, my darling, you are not the things that happened to you. You are not your mistakes. Don't allow your wounded past to define you. 

You are a magical spirit. You are a free soul that can be reborn every time you decide so.

Everything that happened in the past must stay in the past. Embrace your future with joy and live the present with gratitude.Let go of all the strings, take the lessons learned and burn all those bridges.

The best way to write your new story is to live it. To put one step in front of another and live every fuc*ing moment from now on consciously. 

By doing this, you'll see that you are not defined by what others say or think, not by what happened,  but by what you choose to be. 

This is how you change a destiny, my darling.You let behind everything you thought you are and step proudly into what you can become.

Take all those moments when you were silenced, all the shame and fears and watch them boldly in the eyes. Take the weak woman you thought you were, hold her hand and tell her in a brave tone that she's ok. It is ok to step up and say ''no''. Say ''no'' to fear, to pain, to shame, to others. Say ''no'' every time your hearts feels it that way. 

The worst bully you have met in your life, is the one you see every day in the mirror. Stop bulling yourself!

There are dark chapters in your life, but don't hide them anymore.Don't be ashamed of your wounds.
Own every piece of them. Cherish them and the lessons they gave you.

And maybe you do have scars and cracks. So what?! 
This doesn't mean you're a broken woman. You never were.

You are a Phoenix, my darling. A beautiful rising Phoenix.

You are a wild hearted, healing woman reclaiming her life, laughing out and rebirthing herself every day with her own strength. 
You are a strong woman learning your lessons from the harshest things that happened to you.
You are not a broken woman, but a bird flying free, an opened heart and a big, sincere smile.That's what you are!
You have a will to survive, an unstoppable thirst to keep trying no matter what!

Put your hands on the wheel and drive, darling. Drive exactly where you want to go. 
You can transform every piece of pain into beauty. 
You can become whole again not in spite of everything, but because of it!

And so you will. Take back every piece of power that you gave away and design a new brand life since NOW. A life of freedom.

The stories of the past won't be forgotten. It hurt and nothing will take that away. But you don't need it to be. You don't need to make the past pretty. No way! Embrace it as it is, full of darkness and demons.
And every  time you get afraid, just remember it. Remember the ''battles'' you survived and the power you had to do so.

And that, my darling, will be enough to make you realize that you are unbreakable and no one can take that from you.

Sunday, 29 May 2016

If I Tell You There's a Way to Have It All, Are You Willing to Pay the Price?

  There is an old saying that ,,nothing is  free''. I got to think about this for a while and ancient symbols came to my mind : Yin and Yang, the  Uroboros, the Phoenix.
There is no light without darkness, no sun without the night, no ups without downs. It is all going into cycles that begin to anew as soon as they end.

We can not know the ecstasy if we don't come to acknowlegde agony first - and the deeper the agony, the deeper the ecstasy will be.

Everything has to be paid for. For ecstasy, we have to pay in agony. 

You have to go through deep pain to get rid of pain. It is a cleansing process. Pain is a fire: it burns the garbage you have  in you and allows the beauty to reveal itself. Just as we purify gold through fire, consciousness is purified through pain. Pain has something to deliver to you. All you have to do is to stay alert.
Don't avoid pain! If you avoid pain, you are avoiding pleasure. Don't avoid darkness. If you avoid darkness, dawn will never come. Only out of the dark night, the morning is born. And when the night is darkest, the sunrise is close.

Remember this fundamental law of life, this paradox.
The real lessons, the ones that transform you, will cleanse you, purify you. 
Yes,  your wounds will hurt again and again, although you are hiding them. You are hiding them, that's why they are not healing. They have to be brought to sunlight, to fresh air. They have to be exposed. Only in that exposure they will start healing. Even if it hurts. The more you want to be healed, the more it will hurt. You have been hiding the wounds for so long ... you have to let them out of your system now.

This agony is not a curse, it is a blessing.Because out of this agony, slowly, slowly,  you will arise just like a Phoenix. Acceptance is the only way. Accept the pain, accept the wounds, accept yourself as you are! Don't try to pretend to be somebody else, don't try to show that you are not in pain. Don't go on pretending and laughing while your heart is crying. Don't smile if your eyes are full of tears. Don't be inauthentic, because by being inauthentic you are simply protecting your wounds from being healed. Your whole being will become a huge wound.

You are full of wounds and unhealed scars. And you are somehow managing this so that nobody should know how much you hurt inside. You avoid going inside yourself because you avoid to recognize that you are not as happy as you pretend to be. And that's why you can't allow anybody to enter your heart, that's why you can't love. Because love will need exposure and a willing to open.


You can't  make contact, because this would let others see the  things you are hiding. But what is the point of hiding? 

What else can happen to you , that you didn't experience yet? Why do you think that you can get more broken than you already are? By letting it all out, by revealing you true self you will be redeemed.

So allow yourself to show your pain. Like a declaration that doors are open, have the courage to give  the keys of your soul to the world.
This will be painful, of course.It will be like a surgery. Healing is always painful. But be courageous.

Go through it with your head up and have faith.Be willing to pay the price for your redemption.

Friday, 20 May 2016

Love, Commitment and other Demons

There comes a time when, no matter how hard you try not to see the obvious, the truth hits you and you just don’t get to run anymore.
Sometimes in the shape of a fortunate (or unfortunate) event, sometimes in the shape of a person, the universe will always reach you, no matter how hard you try to keep your eyes tightly closed. There might be a sign on your usual , every day road to work. A sign you’ve always watched, but never saw.
There might be a phone call from the one you love, that will give you chills.
There might be a ,,mirror’’, and seeing it all  in another person makes you realise and understand the things you’ve been trying to avoid.
These days, I’ve reached the point where I had no escape. I had to face the old, yet unknown to me wounds  and new perspectives on the things I thought I had figured out already.
And there was no way out,  no place to hide, nothing to cover my eyes with. Like a wild, cornered animal I was tempted to fight, to defend myself and I realised that -not only I was hitting the one I was supposed to love and cherish, but i was dishonest with myself .
Running away from commiting to someone is the same as running away from commiting to myself.
By failing to stay true to one person, I’m failing not only to enjoy the perks of a real bond, but I’m failing to fully open my heart. By  associating the intimacy with the pain I felt in the past, I am hiding behind a huge desire for freedom. And that not only hurts the one close to me, but hurts myself too.
Yes, letting someone in my closed heart would reveal my deepest wounds, my deepest fears.  But after all, this is the whole idea of courage: to have my knees trembling, but with wide open heart to go straight forward.To take time to ask myself what I really feel. To have the courage to admit to myself that I am afraid. Even warriors are afraid.It is ok.
Because  our mind tricks us. We find lots and lots of reasons to leave :we’re not ready, there are other priorities, we need time , we need space, we ...we...we...But these are just excuses.
Take time.
When you feel the need to find something better, maybe you just have to ask yourself if you are running towards something better , or maybe just to release yourself from the ,,relationship cage’’ you think you’re in.
When you feel the need to protect yourself, maybe you just have to ask yourself if you really  need to use these ,,big walls’’ and ,,big balls’’ against the one that touches your heart. 

 Maybe there is an older wound, and if you have patience and courage, you’ll find out that he’s not hurting you, but healing your most feared scars.

Friday, 13 May 2016

How do you think it should be and how it really is

My son is a big National Geographic's fan. Spending time with him yesterday , we watched a little movie about some nasty monkeys. Funny creatures by the way.
Now, I don’t believe that we just evolved from the good old monkey. They might be cute and imitate us, it’s their nature. But if they do imitate us, that doesn’t make them our predecessors. But this is another story.
What I am going to talk about now is something that made me think about us , humans and how our behaviour  resembles to their’s sometimes.
I am going to tell you about monkey traps .

Monkeys are captured in India through a bottle with a banana placed inside, big enough to fit their hand in and out of. The hole is large enough for the monkey’s hand, but not large enough for its hand and the banana together.So, consumed by the wish of having it, the monkey doesn’t let go of the banana even though it’s terrified and about to get captured. The monkey gives up its life for the sake of hanging on to this stupid banana instead of  just letting go and  be free.
That banana, my friend, it’s making the poor animal forget about it’s safety, it makes it blind to the present events and leads to freedom deprivation.
Thinking about this , I realised we’re not better than this. That banana it’s the symbol of the projections we make.We hang onto what our  life “should” look like.

“My relationship should look like this so I’m failing to enjoy the relationships I’m in.”
“I should have kids by this time so I’m using my energy to rush things over.”
“I should have a nicer home by now, so I can’t stand to come to my own place every day."

The list is endless, you know it. And it’s all just bananas.

That monkey could go into the wilderness and get a better banana, for free, but it can’t let go of its attachment to getting this one banana.
Beyond the attachment to the banana itself, it can’t let go of what it needs to do to get the one banana it wants.

So, I could see in this documentary  a very simple lesson.Life already taught me this, along the way , without me even realising it: Everything in your  life comes easy, simply because you can take it or leave it. If it came, find a way to see it as a blessing. If it didn’t, find a way to see it as a blessing. If it left, find a way to see it as a blessing.Simple as that.

Never want  it enough to give up on it completely after a disappointment, and never completely want  it enough to give up your true essence for it.

Focus on how you want to feel and swing to a different tree if you don’t feel 100%  comfortable. By not sitting in the branches, hoping for the tree to grow you more bananas, you won’t be stuck in the same hopeless circle. If you leave the trap of how your life should be, you’ll find a whole forrest. Here, the bananas are endless.

Don’t be confused about what you want. 

Is this ONE banana or a banana?
Is this really what you need? 
Is it something you crave? 
Or is this banana making your life complete? 

Please, pay attention. Needing something or someone is not completing your life, by the contrary. You will feel the need and crave, when there is something missing from inside you.
And how can something or someone from outside you complete you inside? 
The inner self is only inside you.That’s what the name says, too! This is your journey only. No one can come inside with you to make things better.

Pay attention to this. 
Remain open to how things come and go. 
This way of being will lead you to places you’d never dare to dream of, inside yourself and inside of your life.
Let go of your bananas.
Stay open. 
It all comes in the right time and right place, I promise.

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Stories of a Recovering Heart

 I have always flirted with the idea of unconditionaly giving pieces of my heart. Although, sometimes it didn't seem to be such a great idea (especially for my friends, who had to pick up my broken pieces after this).
 But the idea of offering simple but deep, declared and conscious emotions was such a hype.
 And I am not talking now about sex, but about a deep, profound diving into my soul, wich was so strong and natural, that not every person I have met could take it.

So, little by little, I closed my heart, without even realising it.

 Little by little, I stopped being the caring and loving woman, the childish woman who laughed carefree and I began borrowing pieces from the closed souls of the ones that touched my heart.

 Being a masculine woman (i know, it's a very weird term),  no one could hurt me anymore, no one could see through me anymore. No one could touch me.
  And I always had a role ready to play:perfect girlfriend, perfect seductive, perfect friend, perfect listener, perfect company for a crazy night-out.

No more natural, feminine me.
Just a pose of a happy, independent, and needs-free woman.
The perfect girl to take home until you realised she's empty.
No needs, no weaknesses, but no feelings too.
By losing the joy of consciously giving myself away,  I lost myself too.

 For a while, this was such a blast. No pain, no fuzz, just fulfilled needs and pretended hugs.
Later though, it wasn't enough anymore. 

 Although so free to do and be whatever I wanted, I began to talk more and more of my need of freedom. The woman inside me would rebell and cry out for help. She decided she had enough. 
Long later I understood that the availability of a woman to abandon herself to a man is the expression of a strong link with the primordial femininity and especially with sensitivity and intuition which define femininity.
 To release the woman inside me I had to be able again to trust someone not only with my body, but with my heart and mind, too.
It is a sort of an assumed: "Do what you feel with me, as I trust in you  and I trust myself I can manage this."

  And than...everything changed. I met you.  And through you I met my feminine side again. It was a full of emotions, shy meeting. I am still reaching to this with reservation, but joyful. I feel sometimes terrified, but most of the times blessed. It is like looking into a mirror and watching a completely different me, a long forgotten me. And the new and old me are developing a strong , loving relationship quickly.
 I am relaxed and open now to what you have to offer, I accept you and myself and the feelings that are growing inside me. I am prepared to meet you half way, to see you in all your good and bad moments and cherish your sincerity and vulnerability as well as your strength.

But most of all, I am prepared to unleash the love that resides in me with no shame and no expectations.

Wednesday, 4 May 2016

What Can You Do When There Is Nothing You Can Change

I don’t really believe in destiny.
We are the creators of our lives every single day and most of the pains and sufferings are just results of our attitude.

Life is full of uncontrollable events.Yet, in most of the situations the only thing we really can control is the attitude we choose to respond with.

When you really take the time to think about it, everything happening around us is neutral,  until the point that we give it meaning.

No matter what you’re going through, it’s all about choosing the right questions and the right answers to them:

Will I allow this to upset me?
Will I choose to make this a bad or a good lesson?
Will I choose to stay or walk away? 
Will I choose to yell or whisper? 
Will I choose to react or take the time to respond?

Sometimes changing the present situation isn’t possible. You can’t get to a new job in an instant. You can’t make someone change against his or her will. And you definetely can’t change the past. But…

You can always choose your  attitude towards this. And this is something what you can’t control.This is, almost always, the only thing you can control.

So please, when in doubt and anger, ask yourself: Is this really a problem for me? Is it my problem? Can I overlook this ?

Let's be honest, negative attitude  is the biggest enemy of the present moment.

It does nothing but to steal your joy , hurt you and the ones you care about .
When you spend time arguing, you’re simply using your energy  in the wrong purpose. You are meant to be caring and loving, respecting and cherishing the ones close to you.Your voice is meant to speak words of love and encouragement. Your hands are made to caress and nourish.

Understand that, somewhere within you, there is a higher self who is always in peace. You have it in you for sure.

Because inner peace does not depend on external conditions,does not depend on my reactions , or someone elses.It’s what remains when you’ve surrendered your ego and worries. Peace can be found within you at any place and at any time. It’s always there, patiently waiting for you to turn your attention toward it.

Peace of mind arrives the moment you come to peace with what’s on your mind. It happens when you let go of the need to be anywhere but where you are, physically and emotionally. This acceptance of the way things are creates the harmony. 
The need for something or someone  to be different in this moment is nothing more than  the ego who wants to control and this simply leads you in circles, hurting yourself.

It’s always the right time to embrace the present – just the acceptance of right here, right now. Only then you have the power to focus on your challenges and opportunities more mindfully ... which changes everything in the long-run!

So again, please think about it: 
Who would you be and what else would you see, if you erased the thought that’s making you angry NOW? 
If you just could shut down the Ego and listen to the one in front of you, would you see a beloved one or just another enemy?

Nothing is as strong as gentleness .And nothing is as gentle as tone strength.
It takes a lot of courage to be gentle in these days.

May peace live in your hearts.

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Do you have the right master?

Learn.Learn all your life.
Learn from books, from encounters, from every being and everything that comes across your path.
But most of all, learn from kind people.
Feeling inadequate and uncomfortable won't teach you the lesson.
But will teach you the sorrow and pain of not being accepted for who you are.
It will only teach you that you are not enough.
Pay attention when choosing your masters.Not all wise men are teachers, as well as not all teachers are wise mentors.

Monday, 2 May 2016

How to recognize love

One day, you'll meet someone who won't need anything from you.Someone who won't crave for your time, your attention or your validation. Nothing.
Nothing but for you to be happy.
And that's when you'll know you are truly loved.
That's when you'll feel the real, unconditional love.
Don't settle for less.You deserve to meet that someone.